Y’all I am just here to tell you somedays my faith stinks….BIG!!! I am a worrier but I can hide it well. I can look like I have it all together with the best of them. I like to be in control. I like a plan. I need it all mapped out. And when this doesn’t happen, I get antsy and a bit anxious.
Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.
~Martin Luther King, Jr.
But God did a little work on me over the Christmas holiday!!!
Leading up to the Calleigh leaving for college, I really wasn’t sure how I would handle it. I truly was afraid I was going to be sad and gloomy for a long time and would have a hard time adjusting. I really didn’t want to talk to people about it because I CRIED!!! EVERY. SINGLE. TIME!!! (Good grief!) I dreaded going into her room when she wasn’t there and eating at the dining room table. I didn’t want to sit and look at that empty chair. I can remember laughing at myself because I was acting as if she was dying, and she was just going to college.
We tried to talk her into going to Tech, but she just didn’t want to even think about it. When she enrolled at Oklahoma State, I had a peace that this is truly was where she was supposed to be. It was small(er) and she had friends there. It was beautiful. I loved the small town atmosphere. It was 5 hours away, but this was a good thing, right!!!
Leaving Stillwater was hard stuff. I am not good at good-byes!! We agreed on a quick good-bye and off we went. Yes, her dad and I cried ugly cries driving home. But we survived…one day at a time. Then, one week at a time. And it got easier.
But, she was homesick from the word “GO!” I knew this was part of growing up, but geez it’s hard to be the momma when your girl is homesick. She missed family and being part of her brother’s football season.
Calleigh decided she was ready to make a move and applied to Texas Tech for the Spring 2019. She did it all … the planning, the contacting, the enrolling, the all!! I just tagged along. But I worried and had anxiety.
- What if her class schedule was awful?
- What if she missed friends and Oklahoma State?
- What if she hated living in the dorm and having a roommate that close?
- What if, what if, what if ….
But let me tell you …. God took care of EVERY SINGLE DETAIL!!!!
Her class schedule is perfect. Like seriously!!!
Her housing situation is perfect.
Orientation, moving … it all went perfect!!
Why did we have to go through Stillwater to get back to Tech? One morning, God clearly told me that Oklahoma State was part of His plan. No, OSU wasn’t just about Calleigh, but about me too. It was part of His plan to let us spend the semester 5 hours away from each other so He could work on each of us. I needed her to be far enough away that a weekend visit hard and exhausting. I needed her to be far enough away that I couldn’t rescue her even when I wanted to. I needed her to be far enough away that I knew I could do this!!
Yes, I still hate it when she leaves, but I don’t cry buckets anymore! I treasure the days and hours she is home. I soak up every minute. We all do!
And as His plan would have it … she is now a 2 hour 6 minute drive from her parking lot to my garage.
You see … I couldn’t see the whole staircase. But God did!! He knew the plans he had for Calleigh and our family. He knew the lessons
we I needed. And he took care of every fine detail. All I needed to do was trust Him. When I let God take the reigns, I can sit back and enjoy the journey rather than worry and fret over all the little stuff. Truthfully, next time, I will still worry and fret over small stuff, but God can remind of this time …
And then I can sit back and enjoy the moments.